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You Live, You Learn! (Maybe.)
In my continued attempts to learn proper domesticity, I have made a few mistakes. Which is fine - I mean, mistakes are a huge part of the learning process.
The most mistakes I’ve made have been in constructing things. These things (e.g. tables, bookshelves, etc.) turn out fine - beautifully, even! - but the process of building them takes a good time longer than the “recommended” time because, for example, I often put slabs of wood in the wrong direction and then have to re-do all the steps I did after I put that offending piece of wood in place.
In any case, I’ve gotten better. By the time I got to my dining table and chairs a couple weeks ago, I was pleasantly surprised at how simple the entire process seemed (1). This is not to say, however, that I did this correctly either. I started building the chairs in my yet-to-move-in roommate’s room. She had a table there that I balanced the seat of the chairs on while I added the backs and the legs. Round one and two? Win.
The dining table is, unsurprisingly, larger. I moved to my small, unfurnished living room. It was great, again. Once it was done, I even flipped around the table - all. by. myself. Then, I slid it down the foyer towards the kitchen.
It didn’t fit right-side up. That I was, I convinced myself, though I couldn’t deny the growing sense of dread that was creeping up on me. I tried flipping the table. It didn’t fit. I tried turning it diagonally. It didn’t fit (2).
My table is very happily the main fixture (3) in my living room now. We’re very happy together.
Why am I telling this story, weeks after it first transpired? Well, I was reminded of my failings at construction when I had another mega-fail earlier together. Let’s leave it at this piece of advice: glass cups should not be used directly on the stove when one is too lazy to wash a proper pot to heat up water for tea.
And clearly I am better at math (Hello Pythagoras!) than chemistry (Mme. Curie, I have failed you.).
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1: I wouldn’t say that this is because I was getting better at constructing things, though. It was also a Walmart Parsons table which, really, even the biggest idiot should be able to put together easily. And it required one tool, the L-shaped wrench, that was included in the package. How could I mess this up? (Did you read the rest of the article?!)
2: This was clearly a last ditch, pathetic attempt. Anyone who knows anything about math will recall that the Pythagorean Theorem would make this is a stupid attempt because the hypotenuse (in this case the length of the table that needed to get through the offending doorway) is longer than either of the other sides.
3: Read: Only fixture.
